That Four Letter Word...

             A wise man told me recently that “love is not a feeling, but a decision” And it resonated with me and was one of the few things I took away from our conversation. Usually when people discuss love it’s in how it makes you feel and the emotions that come with it. But if that is our definition of love we have only experienced a watered down version of what love really is.  Feelings are fleeting, one day we can be happy and enjoying life and the next day discouraged and feeling sorry for ourselves. It’s ever changing so why would we place love in that category?  Are we ultimately saying that love is fleeting?

            If you are like me I pondered this thought for a while and eventually began thinking deeper than the statement. What if we changed our views to look at love as a decision? See a decision isn’t as changeable as feelings. Decisions usually comes after long considerations and is the final conclusion to the process. So after a decision is made it is very unlikely that you change because this is your choice. Even some of the words associated with decisions is firmness and determination. So if we looked as love in this light how would this change the way we view those we love and may choose to love? Would we give out love as easy or would we be more cautious? Would it improve the relationships we have with others that we claim to love? And more importantly how would you view the love that you have for your own self?

If we were to be honest with ourselves most of us would struggle with loving this way because we are all guilty of loving through our fleeting feelings. We love others by how they treat us and when they make us feel good but the moment it changes we find it hard to still be loving towards those same people we call our loved ones. And we haven’t had the best practice in loving because a lot of us still struggle with loving ourselves. For me I know I can be my worst critic, so in all that criticizing where exactly am I fitting in love? Or I am just as guilty of viewing love as a feeling only reserved for when I like the way I look and everything is fitting just right or when I’m feeling happy and I’m excelling in life.

            Love was never meant to be considered as fleeting because God is love, and if we know God, we know he stays the same and his love NEVER changes. This type of love we should be striving daily to display to others and most importantly to ourselves. Self-love is most important because if it isn’t in you it won’t come out of you. So if you are like me and want to become better at loving yourself so that you can in return love others the same I direct you to a very common passage in the bible. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 ^“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.”

            Usually when we think of this verse we are quoting the words to someone we love but we can also quote this same scripture to our own self. So in those times you feel not good enough counter it with “love is patient, love is kind”. Are you being patient and kind with yourself? “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth….” Are your opinions of yourself truths that you want to rejoice in? If not maybe those opinions aren’t factual at all and need to be replaced with confident truths. Let’s not continued viewing love as a circumstance based or performance based feeling and begin loving ourselves the way God has been showing us how to all along.

 

Your crown is waiting

 

Krowning Glory

Krown Me Queen

                

If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance and relief for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?" -Esther 4:14

           

              I began Krowning Glory to uplift both the unnoticed Queens and noticed Queens out there. I say that it is for both because just because one queen may be more socially accepted be not fooled we all struggle with some of the same issues. I'm featuring this newly elected Queen (Miss Spellman 2015-2016) to show that you don't have to fit a stereotype to own your crown. There was a time when I myself envisioned running for University Queen at my alma mater. So to actually see it be done by someone who looks like me, words can't explain how overjoyed I am for Ms. Ariana. Do I regret not running?  No! Mainly because it wasn't in God's will and I was still blessed to serve my university in other positions.

 I hope with featuring Queen Ariana it eliminates those preconceived notions of who is worthy of a crown. I prayed that it also encourages other queens in the making to realize you have to fully embrace who you are if you are to ever bear the weight of your own crown. Realized that all crowns won’t be as visible as the one she is holding but it is still recognized. Your own personal crown isn't a one size fits all it is customized just for you. And the jewels and gems that make up our crowns are specialized stones orchestrated perfectly to illuminate the radiance from the inside out.  But the crown can’t be effective if it is missing a few gems or even worse nowhere to be found!

 Know this… you cannot be the Queen without the crown. There will be no way to tell you apart from the peasants. So as Queen you must own all that makes up your crown otherwise your head will fall from the pressure. It represents the beauty of you. Your crown will consist of both failures and achievements. The jewels in your crown will have both weaknesses and strengths and all will make up the structure and foundation of your crown. But what will shine the brightest is not our perfect features or the perfect façade we may try to create. No, the gems gleaming the brightest and putting the others to shame are the ones showing all our imperfections and scars, the things that make us human. Because it will serve as proof of the strength of the women who is strong enough to own all of who she is. And she has no problem with owning it because she knows that it makes her the beautiful queen she is. She also realized that if she embraces her crown fully she is also giving other women the right and the strength to embrace theirs.

Thank you Ms. Spellman for giving future queens permission to embrace who they are and continue to be an inspiration to all!

Queen your crown is waiting......

Krowning Glory

Be Authentic

In fact, we cannot get along without the parts of the body that seem to be the weakest. We take special care to dress up some parts of our bodies. We are modest about our personal parts, but we don't have to be modest about other parts. God put our bodies together in such a way that even the parts that seem the least important are valuable. (1 Corinthians 12:22-24 CEVDCUS06)

Being bald people would understand if I chose to hide my lack of hair. In a world were we are taught to cover up unattractive features about ourselves or to even go so far as to "enhance" those features to make them more appealing it would be fine for me to cover my head and remove any attention to my condition. We are told that if you don't like something then change it. So we add in the extensions and watch the makeup tutorials to present this idea of perfection to the outside world. Not realizing the world doesn't need you to be perfect God already fills that position, the world needs the authentic you. 

This past Saturday I ran into a woman while out with coworkers. We were passing each other and she complimented me on being beautiful I thanked her and the night proceed on. Later that night she came back to me and sat at my booth. She began to tell me about her mother who just went through chemo. I explained my condition but she knew I could still relate to how her mother felt about losing her hair. She wanted to take a picture with me so that she could have proof of a bald woman still being beautiful. I honestly pray that the picture we took did help her mother in some way. Her mother was discouraged and ashamed of her condition that she didn't realize she should be proud of the survivor that she becoming. 

My baldness could be viewed as how you yourself view your least favorite feature. But if I would have cover my imperfection that conversation would have never happen . It says it in his word our least important parts are even valuable. So why not view them as so? J. Cole even said, "I keep my twisted grill just to show the kids it's REAL." in his song Crooked Smile. We aren't picture perfect but we feel the need to always broadcast ourselves as such. What message are you portraying to those that look to you? Is it something that could inspire someone to embrace themselves or will they feel the need to try and reach an image of perfection because they look up to you. Do I want you to remove your wigs and extensions? Do I expect you never to wear makeup! No, this post isn't saying do none of that. But does the world ever see you without it, or are you bound to the image of draping inches? Will you still post the picture even without the perfect brow shape or your face beat? Understand this your bondage to your image could also be holding others captive as well. Choose authenticity queen, your crown is waiting.

Krowning Glory 

STAND OUT

         Have you seen A Goofy Movie? Yes I am taking it way back to the 95. As a kid watching this movie, I always sang along with Tevin Campbell to the soundtrack’s catchy tunes. One of the songs was called Stand Out. Now Goofy’s son Max is trying to get notice by the pretty girl at school. He actually is semi successful with this but he goes to some great lengths to accomplish this at the beginning of the movie. He impersonate someone totally different just to be consider cool and noticeable. If you haven’t seen this movie be a child for like 2 hours one weekend you won’t regret it.

          I use the Goofy movie because it shows an example of how we all go to great extremes to stand out. In the movie Max was wanting to stand out to get the girl’s attention, but whose attention are you seeking? And how far are we willing to go to actually stand out. 

Matthew 23:11-12- Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up you’ll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you’re content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty.

      There was a time I hated standing out or in my opinion I was sticking out. I was the tallest in my 5ft grade graduation even over the boys! Up until high school I just wanted to fit in and be accepted until I realized being different wasn’t so bad, so I ran with it. I thought I had it down and was beginning to embrace who I was. By the end of college I felt that my appearance plus my presence was a force to be reckon with. I knew I couldn’t control my lack of hair but everything else I could. But I wasn’t any different from anyone else. I found that I placed my value in my clothes whereas others females valued their hair. I figured that I needed to over compensate for the lack of hair. The insecurities really didn’t leave they were just hidden well behind all the clothing. I was trying hard to depict a standout lifestyle through materialistic items.

        Now this doesn’t mean I’m against clothing, I still love to express myself with my style but I don’t want to just be known for being stylish. As much time as I spend on my outer I am making the same commitment to be that way on the inner self. That is where the verse stated earlier comes in. Being content with being ourselves is so difficult nowadays especially with the media telling us different. We see that those that do “stand out” get recognition for all the wrong things. But ask yourself what exactly do you want to be remembered for? Your image or your spirit? Learn to love the true you not the image you represent it’s time to STAND OUT!

Krowning Glory

No Cross, No Crown

Before you read this post I encourage you to first listen to the song "No Cross, No Crown.” by Vickie Winans. In this song she reminds us that all of us have our own cross to bear in our personal life journey. She associates friends letting you down and being talked about with the cross we must bear to gain our crown. In one part of the song she even asks the question, “Must Jesus bear the cross alone, and all the world go free?" I have known this song way before I could relate to the lyrics. But its meaning still reigns true today, we all have our own cross to bear if we are hoping to gain our crown.

But in bearing your own cross have you carried the weight of it for so long that you believe no one else could bear it?  Your shoulders know how heavy it is and your hands have felt where all the rough jagged places are that you protect others from fully knowing your cross? Do you expect that it is your cross alone to deal with and it would be unfair to allow someone to take on your load while maintaining their own?

I ask you these questions because I had to ask myself the same thing. I always assumed that I guarded myself from others for my protection which in reality is part of the reason but I also guard myself for their protection as well. I began telling myself years ago that I can’t expect a man to take on being with a bald girl, it comes with a lot of extra baggage.  To accept or ignore the stares, laughter, and whispers. To be able to answer all questions about my condition with a reassurance that it was ok to be curious so that the person doesn’t feel awkward or rude. That took years to master and I have accepted my role, but I couldn’t trust that a man would willingly want to accept all those requirements just to play the leading man role.

So I didn’t, and it shows in my interaction with people mainly men. There is a side that many don’t see because I put on that everything is fine. I have this “I got it” attitude so that no one ever has to worry about me. But even though in the song she sings about Jesus bearing the cross alone, Jesus himself actually had help. In Luke 23:26 it says, “ Now as they led Him away, they laid hold of a certain man, Simon a Cyrenian, who was coming from the country, and on him they laid the cross that he might bear it after Jesus.” Jesus was heading to Calvary and receive assistant with bearing his cross, so why would I believe my cross was just my own to bear?

This realization floored and humbled me. What I assumed was the best solution for everyone is actually limits on me and limiting certain relations with others. And so as I’m growing to change this mindset, I have to challenge you also. What cross are you bearing? Do you feel it is only yours to bear? I ask that you first talk it over with God and I mean be completely honest with him. He already knows but the realization hits you in the moments of vulnerability with him. And as you allow him to change your mindset he will give you the courage to allow the vulnerability there in our relationships with people. Our relationships with others requires our transparency and vulnerability cause in this is where we find our strength and freedom. Let’s begin to bear our cross the correct way so that we can begin to earn our crown.

-Krowning Glory